“Never let busyness replace deep human connection.” I heard these words recently from a close friend and it took me back to my early single mom days.  I spent so much time trying to create the magazine picture perfect Christmas experience, I missed out on what my children truly needed; to be connected as a family.  Six years later, I have made lots of mistakes and learned lots of lessons.

What I wish I had known my first Christmas as a single mom.

1.  Don’t try to do everything you’ve done in past years.

2.  Ask your children what they most want to do this year.   Then choose just one or two of them, not all 127 of them. Make sure to include one of your favorite traditions as well.

3.  Remember Christmas is busy enough just through regular activities.  It is in building relationships with our children that true joy happens.

4.  Don’t unwrap your family ornaments with the children around.  Take the time to sort them out first.  It can be extremely painful the first few years.  Sort through what you want to keep for yourself and the kids.  Pack the rest away in a box marked “look at in two years”.  A lot can happen in two years and it will be easier to look at those old memories then.

5.  Let others help you. It’s really ok. You don’t have to be super single mom.  Let them take the kids to do special things.  You really don’t have to do it all.

6.  If you are alone over Christmas choose how you want to spend the time.  If you are invited somewhere and you really want to be around people GO!  Or if you really want to be alone, say no.  It’s ok to enjoy the time by yourself.

7.  Remember some years are just going to be difficult, whether you are single or not.

8.  A hot bath, a good book and a full night’s sleep will heal most exhaustion.  Participate in extreme self care this time of year.

9.  Don’t over spend or over eat, it will make January much harder and no one will be any happier.

10.  Most of all, take the time to listen. Listen to your children, to yourself, to friends, and to the joy of the season.  Let go of the busyness and relish the joy of being with your family.